Offstumped Fiction: The Ultimate Indian Time Buying Formula

More from Manraj Patil and Shivmohan Singh’s personal logs?

For those who just joined see this to know how I ended up stuck in Sphinxlike Silencia’s limbo while in the quest for a Time Buying Formula.

Having lost all sense of time and space I waited for that moment of truth when Madam would break her sphinxlike silence to release from this limbo. That moment did come but I didnt quite gather what prompted Madam to break her silence, I was to learn the cause much later.

Not one for small talk, Madam got down to business almost immideately calling for an emergency meeting of the core group of her Congress of her Madam’s Poodles also called the Congress Working?Committee, CWC.

Shivmohan tagged along as well with me, he still had Einstein’s german speaking Zionist brain.?

The first order of business at Madam’s request was a resolution to keep Shivmohan gagged in public and to keep his zionist grey cells a secret from the public to avoid any embarassment with the Minority community.

A sycophant immideately sensed a problem with the public gag order to remind Madam that since Shivmohan was Madam’s personal hand maiden on IAF Junkets the public might begin to speculate if her sphinx like silence was contagious.

Madam, may god bless her foresight, had already though of this. She said that Shivmohan had already made public his “Foot in the Mouth” disease during her Trial, so the public gag order on his afflicted mouth will not come as a surprise.

The next order of business was the quest for the Time Buying Formula. Madam made it clear she was not ready to face Don Karat’s threats she needed a diversion to buy time.

So what kind of?a diversion should that be, persisted a Clown ?

As a creative cloud cast its shadow on the moonlit terrace where the CWC met, Madam mused

It should be something where procrastination would be viewed as natural.

It should be something which can hold the public’s imagination while leaving them with bated breath to eagerly await the next twist in the tale.

It should be something that allows for new actors to enter the picture giving rise to even more speculation on how their entry would influence the final outcome.

It should be something with an after effect that lingers on while you crave for even more

It should be something that will not just make the public distracted from unpleasant issues like inflation but make it impossible for Don Karat play spoiler even if he forced a showdown resulting in early elections

What could it be mused a sycophant, while the rest of the courtiers, mercenaries and clowns in the CWC scratched their heads ?

It was at this time that Shivmohan started muttering something in German. Fortunately for the pack of clowns in the CWC I was Oxford educated and knew a thing or two about German and what I heard Shivmohan muttering startled me.

It went something like this.

You didnt need Einstein’s brain and the Theory of Relativity to invent a brand new Time Buying Formula. You already have one 100% Swadeshi, as Indian as it can get.

Shivmohan started pacing up and down the moonlit terrace muttering in German, reminding me of Dustin Hoffman in the movie RainMan. He kept repeating the words

Ekta Balaji, Balaji Ekta

Hearing those words Madam broke her sphinx like silence once again to say

all that Television viewing was not in vain, of course if those unmentionable Saas Bahu Serials could buy time indefinitely while the public agonizes from episode to episode on when a relationship would ultimately consummate, why cant we do the same

Thats it jumped the sycophants, courtiers, mercenaries and clowns in unision to agree with her.

We needed to script the Ultimate Indian Soap Opera, something that would far surpass any Saas Bahu serial Ekta Kapoor’s Balaji Telefilms had ever conjured up. This would be the perfect spoil. It would grip the nation’s attention, it would bring life as we know it to a standstill and nobody would complain if the deal dragged on till it was election time as they would be totally focussed on the next episode of this National Soap Opera.

But what script would hold the attention of a Nation and force Don Karat to not even dare being a spoiler ?

Shivmohan’s German was now becoming incomprehensible as he rattled off something that sounded more like a mish-mash Goethe and Neitschze but it was actually a leaf of Karl Marx’s copybook.

Religion maybe the opium of the masses in the middle east, but to Indians it is Films, Cricket and that ultimate?tear jerker – the Great Indian Wedding

Madam was stunned into a sphinxlike stupor.?This was now getting personal, something ?she had agonized privately over not having anyone to share with. Yuvraj had just turned 38 and still single but for a brief Spanish flirtation which now dares bring up publicly.

This could be the perfect spoil.

A National Soap Opera to grip the public’s imagination and completely blow the wind of the opposition’s sails and Don Karat would not even dream of being a spoilsport for fear incurring the public’s wrath.

Ideas were being thrown fast and thick by the CWC

It could be?a Swayamvar for Yuvraj

It could be a Surreality Show on Live Television like the Eligible Bachelor

It could be hosted in different State Capitals over the next 6 months

It could be opened up to the public to vote through SMS on who is best suited to marry Yuvraj

Even if Don Karat forced a showdown resulting in early elections nothing better to keep the public hooked on Yuvraj instead of the dust and din of campaign rallies.?

But there was one snag, will Yuvraj agree to this Ultimate Indian Time Buying Formula or Pre-Poll Distraction ??

For the sake of the nation, for the sake of his Mother’s credibility, for the sake of his own political fortunes ……………

Filed under: Fiction, Uncategorized